Oh Christmas!

December is here. It almost seems as if the month came and jumped on my back to surprise me. I didn't even realize that December was coming so soon, and so much is going to happen this month!

First, I get to find out two college decisions this month. One from Fordham, and the other from CORNELL! I am so excited to find out these two decisions because Fordham seemed to show a lot of interest in me that they extended my application deadline over a week because I had not submitted it, and Cornell is my number one school. And as you may already now, if I get accepted to Cornell, then I am one hundred percent there because it is the school that I want to go to. AGH! So I don't want to think about it too much to only find myself disappointed, but I hope for the best! If I do get accepted to Cornell, I'll probably explode all over the place!!!

Second, CHRISTMAS is coming! I'm not one to be religious since praying never had a positive affect on me, but I really am one to participate in the gift giving! I just love to give surprises to everyone and each present has intense thought put into it so it's all special to me. I really do hope that I can make or find a good gift for everyone in the family! Oh and FRIENDS! What am I going to do for them? I know that I have one birthday/christmas present idea in mind for one of my best friends, and I have more ideas for others, but for some I just feel so clueless. It's going to be so much fun though! I just wish that some people realized how much love was put into gifts instead of ripping the wrapping and then throwing it all into a pile. Oh well.

Third, December is the end of 2007!!!!! YAY! I LOVE new years! They are just amazing. Even though I made my first "resolution" last year, and none of them came true, when a new year comes, I just feel refreshed. I don't know how to explain it, but a new "mood" comes over me...almost relaxed, but thanks to midterms that won't last long. Then again, this is my SENIOR YEAR!!! I am so happy because this particular change of new year means that in 2008, I will be changing from a senior in high school to an adventurous freshman at some amazing college. I'm so excited!!! So after that ball drops, I am only six months away from snatching up my diploma and seeing a new future!

Oh boy, so this month is going to mean a lot to me, and not like any other year before it. I hope that I can see the people I love, meet new people, like I did last year, make new friendships that I hope will last for a long and healthy time, and I will be one happy camper. Seriously. How many times in our lives are we given these drastic opportunities to change who we are and explore new horizons? I have been waiting for this for over ten years when I used to watch my mom teach college classes, and I still see this year as something amazing and absolutely exciting. How else should anyone spend their life? Experience something new!

Anyways, I hope everyone has a wonderful start to December! I know mine hasn't been what I wished, but I can close my eyes and dream some good ideas of things to do!

I AM A SPARTAN!!!

i was accepted!!!, originally uploaded by smiles-of-karli.

So yesterday, Monday I was talking to my dad about how much I cannot wait to see where I am going to be accepted! Of course, you can tell from my previous post that my apps are driving me crazy, and that's normal. And so I've been wondering if all of this is for nothing:

Am I going to get accepted to any of the schools I'm applying to?!?!?!

Yes, it did seem like a risk to think that applying to MSU, Cornell, UC Davis, UC Berkeley, and UConn only and not know my safety school. Hell, I know that Cornell is the place I want to be. After seeing the campus a month ago, it's the only place on my mind. I'm in love with the environment, the program, and the teachers! It's just amazing!

And so....I continue with yesterday: I was telling my dad how I was scared that I wouldn't get accepted to any school. He isn't one to be optimistic so he didn't say anything, but I did tell him that MSU promised to have my letter of response postmarked by the 5th of November. So I went to dance class, came home and talked to my mom, played on my computer, watched tv, and then was called downstairs. What for? "You got a letter from MSU," my mom said so high pitched in excitement. I ran down the stairs even though I thought that it would only be another weird letter telling me that I should apply, when I already did. So I didn't think of anything, but as I came down the stairs my mom was saying, "it's a big envelope!!! Read the front! Read the FRONT!!!!" I ripped it out of her hands without reading it and soon came to the letter above, which states that I have been accepted.

ACCEPTED. one of the greatest words that you can ever experience, and on that day, I needed to hear it. I bounced, I hugged, I teared a bit in my excitement, and what did I want to do? Run as far away as possible and find everyone to tell and kiss someone, to give hugs and be overwhelmed with happiness. It was the craziest adrenaline rushes I have ever had, in all seriousness. I was shaking and bouncing on beds while running and screaming.

I was going somewhere. Now I don't have to worry that I won't get into college because I HAVE!

Then again, I'm still waiting for Cornell, and if I get in, hands down, I am going. No doubt about it. And if I don't, I'll cry, whine, get a bit agrivated with the world, but I'll move on and try to apply as a transfer the next year. Hey, it's not the end of the world. It would make my dreams come true, and all of my hard work pay off in one letter. One acceptance into happiness to learn something at that special place. It would mean the world to me. But if I cannot go as a freshman, then it is a battle between all schools to find out where I will be.

California? Michigan? Connecticut? Maybe New York?

Oh and I got an email from Fordham, they extended their early action deadline for me until the 8th so, HELL! I'll APPLY!!! Why not?!?!!

Wish me luck in my endeavors into adulthood of schools and the life around me! I learn so much everyday because of it!

I hate applications.

College must be close to heaven. Actually, I wonder how hard it is to get into heaven because it seems almost impossible to do the paperwork for the applications to get into college!!! What is THIS!?!?!?! Just mayhem. That's all this is.

am i really changing for the worse?

So when I returned to school the only thing on my mind was dropping out of my AP English class, which i did. The only thing is that when I did, my guidance counselor got weird on me, asking me why I felt like I needed to drop (I didn't finish my summer work and didn't feel confident in the class), if my friends had scored better than me on the AP tests (which some did) and if that aggravated me, or if it was me just being depressed. DEPRESSED? He asked me what had happened recently that would have upset me in any way shape or form, and I just cannot seem to pin point it. He had no ideas but I could think of a few:

What if I am still completely saddened by what seemed like a slow and miserable death of my grandmother, and soon grandfather within 8 months of each other? My father's mother got pancreatic cancer many years ago and never told anyone about it until a month away from her death. I remember visiting the hospital and trying to get her to look at us, to speak, even though she had left us a week before her death. Her husband, my step-grandfather, the GREATEST man on Earth, died of both cancer of the throat and a broken heart of missing the love of his life. I watched both of them wither away and die after telling them good-bye many times, and still not being ready for it. It was the hardest thing I ever went through.

What if I am still distraught after the death of my great-grandfather (my father's mother's step-father): the greatest man on Earth who wasn't even blood related, but better than my own father. He would call me about once ever week just to make sure that all was well, even while living in Florida while I in Connecticut, and at the age of 90 he passed away: this past January. And it was the worst thing on Earth to ever happen. I miss him to this day, but I am PROUD to have had such a good relationship with him even from such a distance.

What if it's my pain of hating the changes in my life? I used to go to my mom's best friend's house and play with her daughters who were my age. Now, one of three is off to college, their mother is getting a divorce, we hardly talk to the family because we never see each other, and it pains me to see it all. I used to dream of the day that I could drive to their house and sleep over, watch movies, play games, and just do the amazing things with them that I could never do at home. But now a we have all gotten older, changing our views on the world and different priorities in it, we grow further apart even as hard as we work to stay together.

What if it is my lack of will because I don't believe that I am successful? I look at my grades and see crap when others look and think I am a brainiac, when I'm not. I hate it, and I don't know if it is my being tough on myself or something else, but I am mad that people think that. Yes, I want to go Ivy League, but that doesn't mean I believe that I am the best candidate. I have seen better students then me, they do more activities, play more sports, and get better grades. I don't care that much, but I just do my best and am not surprised when I do poorly.

I'm not sure what's going on with me, and it's driving me nuts since I really just want to make things right. Wouldn't that be amazing. damnit.

Is time really this fast?

So I am becoming a senior this fall and the thought of college is just absolutely exciting. This weekend I'm starting an SAT prep course at Sylvan hoping that I can gain amazing scores so I can get into an Ivy League School, and I fear both the work ahead and all of the paperwork (not to mention tests) that can just make me become very close to insane. Truthfully, I cannot wait to send out the applications and I can only hope, pray, dream, and work hard so that I can get into the colleges that I want. Oh and that's another thing. I know I want to go to Cornell University, or even the University of Connecticut, but I'm a tad bit unsure when it comes to applying to Michigan State and Ohio State. They all have good programs in my studies which are landscape architecture, but mainly horticulture. They all have many opportunities at good scholarships, and even special honor programs, if I feel like being insane. So I can only hope that it all works out. Until then, I still have much to do in my life. I have to take the driver's test in September, and I'm actually thinking of signing up for driver's this next coming week, even though I don't think the 30 hours of class will end before I take the test, but the knowledge will help. I just really need my license, and then I can get a job, which I need to find. My job will both fund driving (thanks to expensive and wasteful gas), school, and my new card business that my mom is thinking that I should start. I already make jewelry and have been selling it for years, but I just don't have the time for that anymore that I have been taking pictures of flowers, and different places and they could work as simple prints on white cards, Even a nice set of multiple cards could work as a set. I have to experiment and see if it all works out because November is the time when I would have to have them done for selling. Oh and I can never forget about school. This year is going to be REALLY hard with 3 AP classes and I can only pray that I stay on track with those, and other classes. I need to keep up good grades, and I do mean AMAZING grades because my GPA dropped from a 3.97 to a 3.73 since my failing some times, then again failing to me is under a 70. Anyways, just wish me luck. This year is going to be crazy. Did I mention I could use a hug? Because I could. badly.

Do you know what this is?

So this weekend my mom found a thing, which I have no idea is. As you can see, it is a bit phallic, and we thought that it was something else, but it came from some little "casing" that seemed like a snake skin, but shaped like an egg, and it popped out from under a rock, and shriveled up by the end of the day. Is it a kind of mushroom? Might I add that this was taken in Dingmans Ferry, Pennslyvania, which is also known as the Poconos.

Here are some photos and if you know what it is, please tell me. Or at least some crazy thoughts.