am i really changing for the worse?

So when I returned to school the only thing on my mind was dropping out of my AP English class, which i did. The only thing is that when I did, my guidance counselor got weird on me, asking me why I felt like I needed to drop (I didn't finish my summer work and didn't feel confident in the class), if my friends had scored better than me on the AP tests (which some did) and if that aggravated me, or if it was me just being depressed. DEPRESSED? He asked me what had happened recently that would have upset me in any way shape or form, and I just cannot seem to pin point it. He had no ideas but I could think of a few:

What if I am still completely saddened by what seemed like a slow and miserable death of my grandmother, and soon grandfather within 8 months of each other? My father's mother got pancreatic cancer many years ago and never told anyone about it until a month away from her death. I remember visiting the hospital and trying to get her to look at us, to speak, even though she had left us a week before her death. Her husband, my step-grandfather, the GREATEST man on Earth, died of both cancer of the throat and a broken heart of missing the love of his life. I watched both of them wither away and die after telling them good-bye many times, and still not being ready for it. It was the hardest thing I ever went through.

What if I am still distraught after the death of my great-grandfather (my father's mother's step-father): the greatest man on Earth who wasn't even blood related, but better than my own father. He would call me about once ever week just to make sure that all was well, even while living in Florida while I in Connecticut, and at the age of 90 he passed away: this past January. And it was the worst thing on Earth to ever happen. I miss him to this day, but I am PROUD to have had such a good relationship with him even from such a distance.

What if it's my pain of hating the changes in my life? I used to go to my mom's best friend's house and play with her daughters who were my age. Now, one of three is off to college, their mother is getting a divorce, we hardly talk to the family because we never see each other, and it pains me to see it all. I used to dream of the day that I could drive to their house and sleep over, watch movies, play games, and just do the amazing things with them that I could never do at home. But now a we have all gotten older, changing our views on the world and different priorities in it, we grow further apart even as hard as we work to stay together.

What if it is my lack of will because I don't believe that I am successful? I look at my grades and see crap when others look and think I am a brainiac, when I'm not. I hate it, and I don't know if it is my being tough on myself or something else, but I am mad that people think that. Yes, I want to go Ivy League, but that doesn't mean I believe that I am the best candidate. I have seen better students then me, they do more activities, play more sports, and get better grades. I don't care that much, but I just do my best and am not surprised when I do poorly.

I'm not sure what's going on with me, and it's driving me nuts since I really just want to make things right. Wouldn't that be amazing. damnit.