So Little Time

as i lay on my mom’s bed, with demetri martin singing and telling jokes on the tv, i realize that i have so little time left to my summer. where did it go? my eyes well up each time i think about it because i’ve spent the majority of my summer in an office. in an office! it’s wild that i became the person i never thought i would be: the office worker.

i long for the outdoors, and for the warmth of the sun to lay on my skin and give me the nutrients i need to be happy. at the same time, i’m so happy that i am sitting in an office and getting all of the experience i will need for school. there is no other way that could have gotten this opportunity to learn, but i have the next four years to learn. i don’t know. these days, my thoughts are jumbled up into unreadable messes, and i become incoherent very easily.

i’m sorry if i seem all over the place, but i really am. i try to think about school and immediately my mind closes and blocks everything out. don’t even try to talk to me about what goes on at work because i’m overwhelmed with work i want to finish before i leave because i would hate to leave unfinished work for my boss. and just when you think i should be relieved to go home and talk to my family, you are oh so very wrong. things right now are all a mess with my mother’s job getting oddly close to an end, and my father getting his divorce, moving out, and finding a new job: aka dad is getting a new life. and friends? let’s just say we are all getting closer to forgetting each other’s existence.

so i have no where to run to. all i want to do is just disappear to an area where people only want to hang out and have fun, and will never have crap like this going on. i wish there were people i could depend on to just make everything better. someday soon i will be some place new, with amazing people, and an incredible life, but i wish i could just skip the hard crap and just get to it.

aka: this is just another day, and i wish it wasn’t.